


To Save a Life

by PottersLoveRedheads



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BAMF John, Evil Mary Morstan, Hurt Sherlock Holmes, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, No Season 4, TLV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15846147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PottersLoveRedheads/pseuds/PottersLoveRedheads
Summary: Sherlock is recovering from being shot in the chest by Mary. From here on out it's a reveal of tightly clad secrets, betrayal and a love. Just what has Sherlock missed, and what will happen when he finally wakes up? Will love finally have its day or will revealed secrets destroy everything between John and Sherlock?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I literally pulled this fic out of nowhere. I was happily reading some Johnlock and this just popped into my head. I couldn't just leave it alone so this fix was born.

"I will solve your murder, but it takes John Watson to save your life. " Sherlock Holmes The Sign of Three

 

'You told me that by marrying her, he would be safe. That she wouldn't make a move on him If she thought she'd won. Does he look like he's safe Mycroft. She shot him, she shot him and I had to nearly watch him die, again. His heart actually stopped. I... I can't lose him again Mycroft, I can't.'

Mycroft looked on at his brother's best friend break down. Considering the emotions the man felt for his brother, he wasn't surprised, just as he wouldn't be surprised if it was the other way around. The two of them were so obviously in love with each other, but neither of them could see it for themselves. It was quite disgusting how...sentimental it all was. He sighed.

'I'm sorry John but we had no idea as to her movements tonight, she's much more difficult to track than expected. I will assume that she didn't expect him to survive, leaving you as an again grieving best friend with his new wife to lean on, making you once again reliant on her. She will believe that she has entirely won.'  
John sighed, and stroked Sherlocks hand softly with his fingertips. The detective was still in a drug induced coma, allowing his body to heal after being shot in the chest. He stifled a sob with his other clenched fist. He didn't know how Sherlock was still alive, it was a bloody miracle as far as he was concerned. He didn't know of anyone who had survived a shot to the vena cava. And the fact that it was his wife that shot him...she should have known better than to use her signature shot. 

'I'm not going back to her Mycroft, not this time. She almost took the most important person in my life away from me, she not going to get away with this. You told me when Sherlock came back that I had to stay with her, that I had to pretend to still love her. You showed me the information you had on her, that she worked for Moriarty, and that you needed the extra time to get enough evidence to bring her in. I've done that Mycroft, I faked loving her, I bloody married her and I hated every second. I hated every minute where Sherlock felt that I didn't want to be around him anymore. That all the words I was saying to Mary I desperately wanted to say to Sherlock. That I want him to know how much I love him, that I know how much he loves me and how much it hurt him to say those words at my bloody wedding. I've honestly never wanted to hurt someone soo much in my life, that... woman... I wish I'd never met her.'  
Mycroft sighed.

'She was ordered to seduce you at your weakest, after the loss of my brother you were, rather a high risk. I know of the danger nights John, and the times where it was already to late to stop you. You were hitting rock bottom and she knew it. She sidled in and you didn't even realise what she was doing. She made you truly dependant on her and you thought yourself to be in love, right up until my brother's reappearance. I knew then that with Sherlock back, even if your were rather angry at him at the time, that you would gain your confidence again, that you would remember your love for my brother and break it off, knowing truly that you didn't love her.'

'Yeah and I was going to, told her that we needed to talk, then you whisk me off in a car to some warehouse and dump the knowledge that the girl I had been dating, was some kind of assassin, that it was suspected that she worked for Moriarty.'  
'Yes, which we have now, with your help confirmed. I'm sure it was shocking for you to find out that she had been one of the snipers at the pool. '  
John huffed in annoyance.

'Shocked isn't the word, more like furious at being tricked for so long. That she thought that she could get away with all this, that she could stare down a sniper scope and then use the death of the man I loved, who I thought had died because of her boss. To use that as an in. It disgusted me that I was duped for so long.'

'Yes, I'm sure to an honourable soldier like yourself, trickery and deceit are somewhat distasteful to you. Though you have performed admiradly, I must admit.' 

'Course I did, it was your brothers life on the line,' he stared fondly at the comatose detective. 'I'd do anything for him Mycroft, I have done everything for him. I just hope he doesn't hate me when we explain all of this to him, he hates being left out.'

'Yes, he always did hate being left out of secrets, but I'm sure that for this, he will forgive you, after all, you forgave him for pretending to be dead for two years.'  
John grimaced, and reached out to move an errant curl off of Sherlock's face. 

'I hope so, he doesn't even know that the marriage was fake and that the baby isn't mine.'

'Ahh yes, the DNA tests were quite conclusive, naming her ex, David as the father of her child. Quite damning information on it's own, don't you think. And of course the marriage was a fake, it was never filed, the papers are still in safe place.'

John chuckled, sending Mycroft a mischievous look.  
'I think they'd make an excellent fire starter at Baker street, don't you think.'

'I'm sure they will. I rather think it's time to send that text to your wife Dr Watson. She sure to be worried that your best friend is in hospital. I'm sure that when she arrives you'll want to see the arrest.'  
John grimaced and looked back at Sherlock, giving the hand he was holding a gentle squeeze. 

'Yeah, I want to be there, but could you get Greg here to watch him whilst were dealing with her. I don't want to leave him alone.'  
Mycroft's face softened slightly, he may be known as the ice king, but even he was allowed to care somewhat about his little brother. 

'Of course, I'll ring him whilst your texting Mary.' He went to leave the room, and stopped just shy of opening the door. 'Oh and John, I do hope to hear a happy announcement by the end of the week, even if it is late by nearly 4 years,' he finished before slipping out the door and closing it behind him, leaving a grinning John behind him, staring fondly at his mad detective. As soon as Sherlock was awake he would tell him, but until then he had a certain wife to deal with.


	2. Chapter 2

John looked up at hearing a knock on the door. He got up cautiously, standing in front of the comatose Sherlock, a barrier between the door and the detective.

'Who is it?' he asked, steady hands ready to grab his gun at a second's notice. A muffled voice came through and John, recognising the voice of the detective inspector quickly made his way to the door, opening it to show the worried face of Greg Lestrade, who quickly made his way into the room. Only when the door was closed securely behind him did John relax. 

'Jesus, I know Mycroft said it was bad, but I didn't expect him to be this out of it.' one said shakily. He looked quite worried about the detective. John looked over at the bed, Sherlock just lying there, connected to too many machines. He was so still, it was like he wasn't even...no no no he wasn't going there. Sherlock was alive and that was the way it was going to stay. He glanced at Greg who was looking at him with concern in his eyes. 'Are you ok John? Your looking a bit peaky. Mycroft said that you haven't left his side since he came in. Maybe you should head home, have a shower and a nap. I can stay with him if you like?' 

John shook his head, his eyes once again moist with unshed tears. He couldn't leave, what if something happened, what if Mary came to finish the job, he couldn't lose this man, not again.

'I can't Greg, I can't leave him. Not like this. Not when it's my fault he's even here. Christ, he was supposed to be safe, I was trying to keep him safe, and I still failed,' he sobbed, determinedly not looking at Greg, afraid to see the accusation in his eyes. Greg looked at him concerned, gripping him shoulder in comfort. 

'Its not your fault John, Sherlock has a tendency to run off during cases you know that, you can't always have your eye on him. Your not to blame and I won't hear you blaming yourself. Your a good man John Watson, and you good for Sherlock too.' John shook his head sadly.

'I'm not that man though Greg, I want so desperately to be that man that you and Sherlock see, but I'm not, how can I be when this is all my fault. I must have let my guard down, said something wrong. Oh God it's all wrong! I should never have got with her,I should never have let her get to me. I was so weak, I'm still bloody weak. She took advantage of that weakness and look where that's got us. He almost died Greg, I almost lost him again. I can't lose him again Greg, you know what happened the last time. I can't go through that again.' He was crying again. It seemed that was all he was good for at the moment. He keep the man he loved safe from the woman he married.   
Greg looked at him dumbstruck.

'John, are you telling me, that Mary, Mary Watson, your wife did this to Sherlock?'   
John nodded, looking forlornly at Sherlock.   
'But why, why would she do that? I, I thought she was a doctor. Christ do you even know her, I mean you married her, surely you must have known something was wrong?' Greg asked, asking John for clarification on the whole matter.  
John sighed, wiping the tears off of his face.

'You know that were not actually legally married, the whole thing was a sham. Her names not even Mary'   
Gred looked at him in shock. 

'What? But, I mean, i thought you loved her, your having a baby together. I'm kinda lost here John, your gunna have to explain it to me.'   
John gave him a sympathetic smile and gestured for him to sit down. He made his way over to the bed, gently grasping Sherlock's hand once again. 

'You know that I was in a bad place Greg, after the fall, I was in so much pain and Sherlock, was gone. The drink and the ... drugs. God anything to just not be...here. Most times Mycroft or you came at just the right time, other times it was already to late. I...the high was enough to make me forget he was gone and then I'd crash back down, remembering that he was gone. Christ, the amount of times I just thought of giving in, having that bit too much, counting my sleeping pills, staring at my gun. I was at my lowest point and looking back I can't believe I ever let myself go that badly.' one shook his head, trying to rid himself of the horrible memories.

'Did you ever tell Sherlock, about how you dealt with it all in the beginning?' Greg asked.  
John shook his head. 

'Mycroft thought best not to inform him whilst he was away, thought it would distract him. And I, I didn't tell him because I didn't want him feeling guilty for pushing me that far. I already felt bad enough for hitting him several times the night he came back. He didn't deserve that on top of it.'   
Greg nodded. 

'So then Mary comes along, and she's perfect, you know. Beautiful, smart, funny. I should have realised, or as Sherlock would say I should have observe, not just seen, but I was so lost that I would have taken anything, done anything to not be so lonely anymore. And she took advantage of that.'   
Greg looked at him, confusion still showing on his face.

'She worked for him Greg, she worked for Moriarty.' she told him softly. He heard Greg release a gasp, his face clearly showing his shock.   
'She was one of the snipers at the pool. She wanted Sherlock dead, me dead and I just let her waltz into my life, like she was supposed to be there, and everything she said, everything she did was a lie. She had orders to seduce me, to keep an eye on me and I didn't even notice. I thought, I really thought that she would be someone I could fall for, that I could finally move on. That I wouldn't feel so empty anymore. But it was a lie, the whole bloody thing was a con.'

Greg looked like a deer in headlights. He looked like he had just told him he was actually a girl and was having Sherlocks kids. 

'Jesus John, when the hell did you find this out?'   
John stared at Sherlock, his fingers once again stroking the hand he was holding. 

'Right after Sherlock came back, after the parliament case. I thought that maybe I'd moved on, but I hadn't. I'd just bottled it all up, and there he was saving my life again. Making me laugh and call him a cock for his stupid stunts. God I...I was going to end it, I couldn't be with her, not knowing that Sherlock was alive. It wouldn't have been fair. Not when I didn't love her like I should of...not like I loved him.' There was silence as he let Greg take in everything he had just told him. 

'You, you really love him don't you. I mean, I thought that you did, I could see it everytime you looked at him, but you never said anything. So I just assumed that I was seeing things, you did marry Mary after all, which I'm a bit confused about now. You just told me you've always been in love with Sherlock but why the hell did you marry her if you were going to break things off?'

John sighed and ruffled his hair with his free hand.  
'Mycroft. He had some information on her, but nothing concrete, but he was pretty sure she worked for Moriarty. He was afraid that if I left her, she would then use her anger as a way to finish Sherlock off, and I...I couldn't lose him again, I just got him back. So me and Mycroft planned for the engagement to go ahead as it would make Mary think she had won. I never left the two of them alone, I was always there between them, I didn't trust her not to try something, or for Sherlock to deduce something that would make her turn on him. It was the worst time of my life. I had to watch the man I love be excited about a wedding I didn't want, to a woman I hated and didn't want to be with. Christ Greg, the things he said in his best man speech, God it made me want to call the whole thing off and just drag him back to Baker street. Kiss him silly and tell him how much he means to me, what he's always meant to me.'

'And instead you had to pretend to be happy with the new wife and baby on the way. Christ John, that's shit. I mean what the hell are you going to do?'

'Well for starters the wedding wasn't a real wedding, the marriage certificate was never filed. It also helps that Mary Morstan doesn't exist. She stole the name from a grave. Secondly the baby isn't mine'

'Ok, so how do you know it's not yours?'  
John laughed.  
'Oh, that was the obvious thing, I can't be the babies dad as I can't have kids. I'm shooting blanks so to speak'  
'Shit. Dodged a bullet there mate. So who is the father then?'  
'Her ex, David. Were guessing it happened the night of the stag do.'  
'So I'm assuming Mycrofts got this all in hand then. She'll disappear quietly.' John nodded.

'She's actually on her way here now. Once she's here we get to drop the curtain so to speak. We've arranged for her to go to a different room, nowhere near Sherlock, I won't have her anywhere near him again. I'm going down there too, I...I need to finish this, which is why I asked Mycroft to call you here. I need you to stay with him whilst I'm gone, I didn't want to leave him alone.' 

Greg smiled and clapped John's shoulder.  
'Don't worry mate, I'll keep an eye on him. It'll be a lot easier than normal cuz he's actually sleeping. I don't have to worry about him escaping from me.'  
John let out a sigh of relief, and gave Greg a small smile.

'Thanks Greg, your a good friend, for both of us.'   
Greg laughed, shaking his head but giving him a fond look.

'I deserve a bloody medal for dealing with the two of you, but life's certainly not boring with you guys around.' 

'Yeah well normal's boring. What's life without a good crime scene and criminals to catch,' John joked, causing Greg to laugh. 

'Jesus, your just as bad as he is. Blimey, go deal with the soon to be ex-wife and then you can continue staring dreamily at your future husband. Just make sure to name me best man, I've been loading up on all the juicy stories.'  
Greg joked.

John stared at him in shock before looking back at Sherlock. God, marrying Sherlock would be the best day of his life, but Sherlock may not even want a relationship with him, might hate him for putting him through everything the last few months. He abandoned him to his new wife and Sherlock had gone back to drugs, had an affair with Janine, which he wasn't sure was real or not. Christ everything was so shit. Maybe he'd ruined any chance of ever being with Sherlock, christ he hoped not, everything he had done had been for him, he hoped that after all of this, maybe they could finally have their shot. Maybe it could finally be their time.  
He gently placed a kiss on Sherlock's hand before letting it go, giving Greg a grateful look before exiting the room. Time for the big reveal. Mary wouldn't know what hit her. She had made a big mistake going after Sherlock. One she would now pay for.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I started this I honestly had no idea where it would take me. This chapter was really hard for me to write, I struggled almost the entire time, rewriting parts, changing how the confrontation would go so many times. Anyway I finally finished it so I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 3 

John stood wearily by the waiting room, Mary would soon arrive and he could finally be done with all this acting. He'd never had to wear a mask for so long before, he didn't know how Sherlock did it, it was exhausting. He massaged his temple with his fingers, willing for her to get here so he could get back to Sherlock, he disliked being away from him when he was unable to defend himself. He knew he was safe with Greg there, and he was sure Mycroft had some men hiding away up there, keeping an eye in things, but he still felt as if he should be there. He clenched his fist, something which he had had to refrain from doing for a while. He usually did it when he was angry or upset, and since he always felt that way around Mary, he'd had to train himself not to do it in front of her, or Sherlock. He heard his name being called and looked up to see her making her way towards him. She didn't even look upset. He made himself pull her into a comforting hug, letting the worry for Sherlock come out.  
'Christ I'm glad your here Mary. I... God it's been a long night. I thought he was going to die, and there was nothing I could do about it.' He felt her rub his back in a comforting manner. He kissed the top of her head and stood back, seeing the soft look in her eyes from the kiss.  
'What happened? All you said was that he was in hospital.' She asked, squeezing his arm gently.  
'We were on a case, we went to Magnussen's office to look for some evidence. Janine let us in, but when we got up there she'd been knocked unconscious. I went to make sure she was ok and Sherlock went to search upstairs. I got worried when he didn't answer me when I shouted for him, so I went up there. Jesus, he was lead there with a bullet in his chest, and I thought he was dead. I mean, he got shot in the chest, almost no one survives that. We got him to the hospital and he flatlined several times. I really thought we'd lost him, and then he pulled through. They put him in a medically induced coma, to help with the healing.' He said all of this pretty fast, pretending to look away from her, but discreetly looking at her facial expressions. A look of disgust and one of fear before covering it up with a worried look as he looked back at her.  
'I'm glad he's alive John. Wouldn't want our baby to be without their uncle Sherlock.' She said comfortingly, giving him a loving smile. John gave an unconscious grimace while outwardly giving her a lovesick grin.   
'Christ, uncle Sherlock! He'll love that,' he snickered. 'Come on I want to check on him again, Greg popped in to see him so I came to find you. Hopefully Mycroft will be gone when we get there, he's been playing big brother since we got here. Sherlock's got his own private room and everything. Not that he'll appreciate that, you know that as soon as he wakes up he'll be whining about getting out of here. The man hates hospitals.' Mary grinned and patted his arm softly.  
'Says the one who's a doctor, you can't stand hospital's either dear.' John grinned at her, and began to lead her to where Mycroft had set up. It was in the opposite direction to Sherlock's room, so she had no chance of getting near him ever again. By the time they took her in he'd be a free man again, no longer having to lie everyday to the people he was closest to, especially Sherlock. He hated lying to him, the whole thing made him feel so used, he disgusted himself. Realising they were reaching the prepared room he readied himself for the conversation that was about to happen. He couldn't be more ready for it if he tried.  
He grinned at Mary before opening the door of the room, stepping aside to let her in. She walked past him with a small smile and once she was in he followed her. She froze seeing Mycroft stood at the window, a bed with a curtain drawn in the corner of the room. A heart monitor beeping steadily away. She would assume that Sherlock was in the bed, but she would soon realise the truth.  
'Ms Morstan,' Mycroft said, he inclined his head in greeting. Mary gave him a cold look.  
'Its Watson now Mycroft,' she said, looking back at John for support. He gave her a soft smile as he closed the door behind him. She looked back at the bed, hidden by the curtains. 'How is he?' she asked. John hated the way she said it, as if she cared about what condition Sherlock was in. She wanted him dead, alive meant that he would know too much.   
'Oh I'm sure he'll recover, he bounces back quite quickly my brother. Of course I'm sure the first thing he tells us will be the name of his shooter, since they were stood right in front of him, he would have easily have seen their face.' John could see her face had smoothed out into one of concern, but he knew it wasn't for Sherlock, but for herself. 'Of course, a shot through the vena cava is a rather signature sign, isn't it...Rosamund.'   
Before she could even move, John had his gun in his hand pointing it straight at her, hand as steady as a rock. She looked angry to see him pointing a gun at her, for Christ's sake, just hours before she'd shot Sherlock and she had the nerve to look at him like that. She glared at Mycroft.   
'So you know,' she said coolly, glancing back at John. 'How long?' She asked.

'Long enough,' John told her, a cold look in his eyes. She looked slightly startled to hear what he had said and to see that look on his face. 

'I'm not proud of my past, but it was over. I moved on, became a different person. I fell in love with you John. I love being Mary Watson. I can't lose you over something I did in my past John, please.' She pleaded, tears slowly falling down her face. John had to give it to her, she was a hell of an actress.

'You shot Sherlock, how...how could you do that? After knowing what I was like when he died last time, how could you think to put me through it again?' He demanded.

'You weren't meant to be there, i had no choice, I shot him to save him. He wasn't meant to die, just give me enough time to get away. I knew you were there and the ambulance would get there in time. I was there for Magnussen, he has files on me, he's been blackmailing me, I just needed to get them. You need to understand John, who I was then is not who I am now.' John snorted.

'No, you just happen to have combat gear and a gun with a silencer as part of your everyday wear. Pull the other one Mary, you didn't save him, you wanted him dead. The only reason you haven't tried it before is because you thought you'd won. But let me tell you something, you lost before you even realised it.'   
Mary stared at him as if she had never seen him before. 

'What are you talking about?' She turned to Mycroft who was still stood by the window. 'What's he talking about?'

'After my brother's reappearance, I became aware of your past discrepancies, I needed more time to gather enough information on you and to confirm some of our ideas. If I had left things as they were John would have ended things with you directly after the parliament case. As it was, we made a plan, which included you still believing that John Watson loved you.'  
Mary stared at them in disbelief.  
'No, that's not true. John loves me, he married me. Tell him it's not true John. Tell him you love me, your wife.' She yelled, twisting round so that she faced John again, who was still pointing his gun at her. He smirked.

'It was all a lie Mary, the engagement,the wedding, everything. I didn't love you, I hated you. Everything about you disgusts me.' He watched as her face went from shock to anger and then smoothed out. Emotionless. 

'Why?' She finally asked. John looked at her in disbelief.

'Why? You know why. Because you orchestrated this whole relationship in the first place. You knew when I was at my weakest and you took advantage of that. You used my grief against me, to get closer to me, to make me rely on you. You must have loved it right, seeing the state I was in, how much of a pyscho must you be to want to see the results of your bosses plan up close.' He noticed a flicker in her eye, one he might have missed if he wasn't looking for it. 'Yeah, we know you worked for Moriarty. Took a while to confirm it but we know you were there at the pool. Did you get some sick satisfaction from playing house with me?'

Mary shook her head.  
'No, I fell in love with you.' John laughed coldly.

'That's not love, you wouldn't know what love was if you tried. You made a big mistake shooting Sherlock last night. He's the only reason I stayed. To protect him from you.'   
Mary sneered.

'Didn't do too good of a job with that did you. He's obviously been back on drugs again, not to mention the fact that he was shot last night whilst you were just down the hall. It must get tiring of being such a failure mustn't it. A failed soldier, a crappy friend and a shit husband. I should have realised sooner, it was never me you loved, it's always been him. And look what you did. By trying to protect him, you hurt him the most.' Her eyes lit up in delight at the confused look on John's face. She laughed. 'Oh you didn't know, oh John. You always miss the bigger picture. You ruined any chance you had with Sherlock when you married me, you know he left the reception early to go get high. You must know that he doesn't do feelings, he can't because Sherlock Holmes is a broken man, and you just keep on breaking him. He'll never want you John.' She spat, a crazy look in her eyes.  
John glared at her. He knew Sherlock did have feelings, of course he did. He was the most human human being he knew. He didn't care if Sherlock felt the same way as he did or not. He loved Sherlock, that was never going to change. He'd take what he could get, even if that was only friendship. 

'Your wrong. Sherlock's not a freak, or a machine or a sociopath. He's my best friend, and yes I do love him, I've always loved him, and probably always will. He's a far better man than anyone I've ever met. A far better human being than you are Mary. And yes, maybe I have hurt him by pretending to be with you. But I'd rather he be alive and hate me than for him to be dead. Our wedding was a fake, the marriage certificate was never filed, ergo your not my wife, you never were. You will be out of my life soon enough, and I look forward to never having to see you again.'  
Mycroft stepped forward, his eyes trained on Mary. 

'I do believe that's where I step in. Ms Morstan, it would be best if you came without force, afterall you still have your child to think about.' 

Mary scoffed.   
'So that's it your just going to let big brother lock me up. I'm pregnant with your child, does that even mean anything to you?'

'Funny thing that isn't it, I mean when Sherlock mentioned it at the wedding I nearly broke cover. I mean, the one thing which you couldn't hide, is the one thing that gave you away.' Mary looked confused. 'I'm sterile Mary, have been for years, and all of a sudden your pregnant. I know you were cheating on me with David, and most likely that baby is his. Tell me did you use him because he was there, or that he looked slightly like me? I guess it doesn't matter. I don't actually care, I'm just ready for this to be over.' He looked over at Mycroft and nodded. From behind the curtain Anthea appeared pointing a gun at her, a pair of handcuffs at the ready. Mary saw, now that curtain was pushed back, that there was no one in the bed. 

'You planned this didn't you, didn't even want me in the same room as your precious Sherlock.' She sneered as Anthea put the handcuffs on her. John eyed her cautiously, aware of her background, even when pregnant she was dangerous, he couldn't let his guard down just yet. 'You think you've won, but you've already lost. Your weak John, you always have been. Without me your nothing, just like you've always been, a washed up soldier. If it wasn't for you Sherlock wouldn't even be in this hospital, he wouldn't have had to pretend to be dead. Him and Jim would still be playing the game, but you just had to get involved, had to make the great Sherlock Holmes just that little bit more human. You ruined him.' She screamed at John, her eyes wild with fury.  
John hardened his face, but inside his thoughts were screaming at him. Was she right? Was he to blame for everything that Sherlock had gone through, the torture in Serbia. He thought back to his sister and his parents, they always had blamed him for everything that went wrong, his dad losing his job, Harry being kicked out. He never could get anything right, maybe it was true, maybe everything around him did go wrong, he'd never stood up for his sister when she'd told their parents she was gay, never told anyone about the abuse his father dealt them, never was serious with any of his past relationships because he was afraid he'd end up like his dad, afraid to accept who he was. She was right, the damage was already done, he'd pulled away from Sherlock to keep his cover as a happily married husband. They hadn't been in contact in months, he didn't even know what Sherlock had been doing since the wedding, well he knew who he'd been doing if the sounds from the bathroom were anything to go by. He certainly seemed very relaxed around her. That if anything should prove to him that Sherlock just wasn't gay, after all he'd been in love with The Woman too. The only man he could ever love, was the one man he couldn't have. He knew he'd romanticized Sherlock after the fall, seeing looks that weren't really their, touches which weren't anything but friendly, and now it was obvious that friendship, if even that, was all that they'd ever have. And he would be fine with that, he'd have to be fine with it. He couldn't let Sherlock know, not now, not ever. All his ideas of a future with Sherlock were gone, all of his fantasies where they both revealed their love just looked horribly stupid and sentimental now.   
'Well then, I do believe our businesshis at an end. Anthea would you be a dear and escort Miss Morstan out, I believe the agents outside are waiting to escort her away from here.' He looked over at John, giving him a comforting look. 'No one will ever know where you end up, and you will never be a burden on my family again.'   
They both watched as Anthea dragged the struggling Mary out of the door, into the custody of several agents. Once the door was once again closed John gave a sigh of relief, finally lowering his gun and putting the safety back on. He ran a hand over his tired face. He was just...done. 

'I want to thank you John,' Mycroft said softly, gripping his shoulder softly. 'I know it's not been easy for you to do this, and you have my gratitude.' He paused, looking John deep in the eyes, as if looking for something. 'You must not take Miss Morstan's words into consideration, what she said was to break you down at your very centre. None of what she said was true. I know exactly where my brother would be if you two hadn't met. He'd be dead. He would have taken the pill from the Cabbie case and he would have died, and I wouldn't have my brother anymore.'   
He gave a final squeeze of John shoulder before making his way out of the room. As he opened the door he turned his head to look back at John. 'Oh and Dr Watson, am I to receive a happy invitation by the end of the week? I believe that it's already several years overdue,' and he left leaving John to stand there, looking a bit shocked. John huffed, chuckling a bit at the elder Holmes actions. He remembered Mycroft asking him the same thing when they'd first met. He groaned. What was he supposed to do now? From what he'd seen, Sherlock had no interest in him, but Mycroft's last words said different. How was he supposed to figure this out? How was he supposed to find out if the man he loved, returned those feelings without ruining what was left of their friendship. He just didn't know.   
He took a deep breath, before letting it out again. He'd think of something, but right now he needed to get back to Sherlock


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo new chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. Comments and Kudos are great, let me know what you think!

Chapter 4

Greg stood at the window of Sherlock's hospital room, sipping on the fresh coffee that one of Mycrofts men had brought him. He glanced over at Sherlock, lying still in the hospital bed, the heart monitor beeping steadily. It was...wrong. Sherlock should never be as still as he was, he was always energetic, running around deducing crime scenes, running after suspects.  
Christ, where had everything gone wrong.   
The fall.  
That's where things had veered off course. Way off course.   
From the moment John had arrived on that first crime scene it had always been Sherlock and John. There wasn't one without the other. And then John was left alone, and he had a full face preview of what John had been like before Sherlock, because John had broke.  
He had lost the very person who had fixed him up the last time, and all the cracks which had been fixed had just reappeared and he had fallen apart. John hadn't been kidding when he'd talked about the booze and the drugs.  
It had started with drinking, just a bit, and then it escalated. He rarely left the flat, and when he did it was to get more alcohol. He was drunk most of the time and when he had found out, he had asked Mycroft for help. They'd gotten rid of all the alcohol at the flat whilst John had attempted to get back into working at the clinic. When John had come back from work he'd been absolutely furious. He screamed and shouted at them until he'd grabbed the closest thing to throw at them. It just happened to be the skull. He'd gone to throw it at them l, but then he realised what he was holding and had broken down right in front of them, falling to his knees in tears. Seeing John so broken had really shown him how much he cared for Sherlock, and how lost he was without him. Greg blamed himself for not being there for him. He'd tried to stay away due to his involvement in Sherlock's arrest, thinking John wouldn't want to see him. After that he turned up more often, helping John in his worst moments.  
What came next though was worse. Mycroft had cameras at Baker street to keep an eye on him, but John seemed to know that. He remembered the day when he popped in to check on John and had found him in Sherlocks room. He'd thought that he was asleep until he saw the needle. Greg had never been so scared in all his life, because that was the day John Watson almost ceased to live, and if John had died, Sherlock may never have come home. 

He turned to face Sherlock. The both of them were idiots. They were both in love with each other but neither of them could admit it to the other. It was a damn mess. Sherlock had spent two years pretending to be dead to protect John, and John had married an assassin to keep Sherlock safe. Honestly he thought that Sherlock had it easier than John, at least he didn't think the man he loved was dead, with no chance of reconciliation.   
He drained the last of his coffee and crushed the cup in his hand. Damn Mary and her meddling. Quite possibly it would have been Sherlock and John's wedding they had gone to if she hadn't been around, and to think that she worked for Moriarty and even then, when she was getting married to John she cheated on him. It was one blow after another, at least John didn't actually love her, otherwise this would have been a whole lot worse. 

'Mary' 

Shock coursed through Greg at the sound of Sherlocks voice, and then relief. He was ok. Everything was going to be ok.

'Sherlock, your awake.' He breathed a sigh of relief seeing Sherlock looking at him, his eyes slightly glazed. He reached over to press the button for the nurses station. 

'John?' Sherlock croaked, his eyes flitting around the room, searching.

Greg smiled. See...totally besotted.

'He's fine. He's sorting something out with Mycroft downstairs.' Not a total lie, he was sorting stuff out, mainly taking Mary into custody.

'Heard...you.' he managed to get out, his voice was raspy and dry. Greg went to speak when the door to the room opened. He stood in front on Sherlock's bed, wary of the newcomer. It was a nurse, and when she found out Sherlock was awake, she asked him a few questions before leaving to get him some ice chips. She quickly returned, giving Greg the cup of ice chips, before quickly leaving the room again. Greg awkwardly fed Sherlock some of the ice chips, damn where was John, this was totally his job.   
He looked down at Sherlock and gave him a small grin. 

'It's damn good to see you awake Sherlock. It's been too quiet in here. Trust you to wake up the one time John isn't here. He literally left about ten minutes ago.' He gave Sherlock a knowing look. ' He hasn't left your side the entire time you've been here, he was worried sick. All of us were in fact.'

Sherlock slowly nodded.

'I heard you. You and John speaking earlier.'

Blood drained from Greg's face. Damn Sherlock and his inquisitiveness. This was John's story to tell, not his.

'How, how much did you hear?' He asked, he needed to know how much damage control he needed to do.

'Enough to know that he trusts Mycroft more than me.' he returned flatly.

Greg stared at him in shock before laughing. 

'Christ, is that what you think? That he didn't trust you? No! This was all about protecting you. I think that's something your familiar with yourself, at least he didn't make you think he was dead.' 

Sherlock flinched at the reference to the fall.

'No, he just married an assassin who wants to kill me.' He replied moodily. Greg clenched his fists. Blimey, he may be a genius but he was being an absolute idiot right at this moment, and he wasn't going to take it anymore. He hadn't said anything about it before, but Sherlock deserved to know. He needed to know what John had gone through, because he clearly didn't know. Hadn't realised what his 'death' had truly done to John Watson.

'You obviously missed most of the conversation then. He went through hell when you were gone, he didn't think he would see you again, and there were several things that happened where when you did come back, there would be no John Watson for you to see.' 

Sherlocks head whipped round, staring at Greg in shock. 

'No, that's not possible. I had Mycroft keep me appraised. He told me he was fine.'   
Greg shook his head, bloody Mycroft. Time for some home truths. Yeah maybe it wasn't the time, Sherlock had been shot and was recovering, but damn the guy needed some sense knocked into him, and by God damn it he was going to get through to him.

'He wasn't fine Sherlock, he was broken. You broke him. How did you think Mary got her claws in him huh. He was literally at rock bottom when she turned up. He had to move out of Baker street because he kept thinking you'd just walk through the door like nothing had happened. You were his best friend, the person who fixed his limp, gave him back his life. Made him fall in love. And then you were gone, and he, he was so lost. He started drinking, he was smoking, and when we finally cleared the flat of those, he ... ' Greg stopped. Maybe he shouldn't, this was John's choice. He'd literally begged Greg no to tell him. Sherlocks voice interrupted him.

'He what, Lestrade? What did he do?' He asked, his voice wavering. Greg looked away from Sherlock. He knew Sherlock would keep pestering him until he told him. Damn. He mentally apologised to John. 

'He.. he found your stash.' Silence. He looked back at Sherlock who was shaking his head in denial.

'No, he wouldn't. Not John. John wouldn't. That's not...' he looked up at Greg, his eyes pleasing with him to be wrong. Greg shook his head.

'I found him. I popped in to check on him, and christ...I thought he was dead. He overdosed Sherlock. He bloody overdosed. I thought nothing could have been worse than when I found you that one time, but this. Christ Sherlock, this was far worse. He was in your bedroom, on your bed, wrapped up in your dressing gown. He just gave up. He lost everything when you jumped and he just...couldn't handle it anymore, because he missed you so much. Because he loved you, and he blamed himself for not stopping you. We managed to get him to hospital on time and he recovered. He moved out after that, it wasn't good for him to be there alone anymore and he begged me and Mycroft not to say anything to anyone about it. We agreed as long as he started to see Ella again, which he did. It helped a bit.' 

Tears were streaming down Sherlock's face at this point. 

'I...I didn't know. How could I not have known.' He gripped his hair tightly, his eyes watering with unshed tears glaring at Greg. 'Why didn't he tell me, blame me for making him want to kill himself. Why didn't you tell me?' He shouted hoarsly. 

'I think hitting you several times was bad enough mate, I don't think he wanted you to know. He didn't want to look weak, and he asked, no begged me not to say anything to you. He was just happy you were back, and he'd already forgiven you. He didn't want you blaming yourself, distancing yourself from him.'

Sherlock shook his head.  
'I wouldn't of, I would have understood. I just didn't realise how much it affected him. He never said anything, just that he missed me. Why didn't he say something after he found out. He clearly spoke to Mycroft about it.' 

'Honestly, how much of our conversation did you hear?' Greg asked.

'Not much, just that John was working with Mycroft to bring Mary down and that the baby wasn't his. I assume that John found out stuff about Mary after the wedding since he seemed perfectly happy before then.' Greg sighed.

'Out of our whole conversation, that was what you heard? Jesus Sherlock.' Greg ran his fingers through his hair. 'Blimey, John should really be the one to tell you this, but I don't know how long he'll be gone dealing with the wick witch of the west. Look. After that first case, when you got back. John...John was going to leave Mary.'   
Sherlock looked bewildered.  
'Leave? But why would he leave her? He clearly loved her, asked her to marry him.' 

'No. He was never In love with her. He was settling for what he had. He thought that she was the best chance he had of a normal life...until you came back. You just strolled right back into his life... like you had never been gone, like he hadn't gone through hell everyday that you weren't there. You acted like you just returned from a brief holiday, not that you were back from the dead. He felt like you just didn't care, that you were just laughing behind his back at poor idiotic John.'

Sherlock shook his head.  
'No, I'd never think that about him.' 

'No, but he wasn't in a good place Sherlock. It was like everything was being thrown back in his face, that all the grieving he did was worthless, and yet still even after all that he went on that case with you. He forgave you.'

'I still don't understand.' Sherlock said frustration seeping through his voice.

'He realised that even if you did lie, it was for a good reason, and that still, after everything he'd been through, he still loved you. He couldn't marry mary when he didn't love her. So he was going to end it, move back to Baker Street. Back to you Sherlock. You know, I'm hoping eventually you two can figure your shit out because honestly the both of you pining after each other is kinda getting old.'

Sherlock looked shocked. He was staring at Greg, not even blinking. It was definitely creepy.

'Oh blimey. John told me about this. Please don't get lost in that head of yours. I'm serious. John is head over heels in love with you, has been for years. He, never told you because you don't do relationships, married to your work n all. He was happy just having you in his life, as his best friend.'

It took a few more minutes before Sherlock came back to himself, blinking his eyes rapidly.

'How did I not notice? I knew he cared about me, but he... he said he wasn't gay, and he dated all those women.' He spat.

'There are more options than gay or straight Sherlock. John told me he's demisexual,and if you'd noticed after that case with The Woman , there were no more dates. He got fed up of trying to find someone else when he had you. Your relationship was all he ever needed, even if you didn't feel the same way. He never told you because you always scorn sentiment and emotions, he rather just live with his unrequited love than lose you. And then he did lose you.'

'So if he was going to leave her, why on earth did he stay with her?'he said angrily.

A voice answered from behind Greg before he had the chance to answer.

'Because she was a threat to you, and we didn't have enough evidence to bring her in.'

It was John.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow another update so fast, I'm kinda surprised at myself. So we're finally here, we got some angst and a bit of fluff and Johnlock has arrived. Hope you enjoy

Chapter 5

John quickly made his way through the hospital corridor, anxious to get back to Sherlock's side. The confrontation with Mary had gone far easier than he'd expected, but had brought out the many doubts that he'd been trying to ignore. This is what she did to him, made him feel worthless, made him doubt himself. 

God, he should be ecstatic, she was finally out of his life, out of their lives, and yet here he was doubting himself, again. He knew he loved Sherlock, he'd known for years now. He also knew that Sherlock loved him. He was just unsure of what form of love that was. Was it a friendship kind of love, a brotherly love or something else? He just didn’t know. There were times when he thought he saw it in Sherlock's eyes, that fondness and warm look he sometimes gave him, but maybe he was seeing things, trying to fit Sherlock into a space that he just didn’t belong. 

What he had said to Greg earlier was right though, he'd take whatever sort of relationship Sherlock wanted, and if that was just friends, well it wouldn’t be any different from normal then would it.   
Just the two of them at Baker street, solving crimes. Blimey everything had gone so wrong, what if Sherlock didn’t want him back at Baker Street, what if that thing with Janine was actually real, after all he didn’t actually have any evidence to prove that Sherlock was actually gay. The two people he'd actually seen Sherlock with had both been beautiful women.

At that moment he had never felt more alone.

He took in a deep breath as he reached the door of Sherlock's room, he needed to stop being a coward, he was a soldier. He decided that he would tell Sherlock exactly how he felt, and if it wasn’t wanted then... that was fine, it was all fine. He'd probably need to find somewhere else to live and... he stopped. He could hear voices, a voice he knew without a doubt was Sherlock.   
He was awake!   
He quietly let himself into the room just in time for him to hear Sherlock angrily say;  
‘So if he was going to leave her, why on earth did he stay with her?’ 

John flinched. He wasn’t so sure he was ready for this conversation, but here it was.

‘Because she was a threat to you, and we didn’t have enough evidence to bring her in,’ he said quietly.   
His voice made both other occupants of the room turn to face him. Greg looked relieved to see him, whilst Sherlock's face was closed off. ‘How much has Greg told you?’ he asked, not looking away from Sherlock, relieved to see the detective awake and aware again. When Sherlock didn’t answer Greg looked at John, giving him a guilty look. John shook his head in denial. No. He didn’t. ‘Please tell me you didn’t Greg, you promised you wouldn’t tell him.’ 

‘He needed to know John, I couldn't stand here and listen to him going on about you lying to him when what he did to you was far worse. He deserved to know exactly what you went through, and what you’ve done for him. Jesus John, he doesn’t even know how much you helped to clear his name.’ Sherlock looked at Greg, wondering what he was talking about. ‘A few months after your death and the public enquiry, John called up a lot of your ex-clients, to help him put your name back in the good view of the public. The courts had done all they could, declaring you innocent, but John wanted people to know exactly what you did. John's name was never actually mentioned, but most people knew them as Watson's Warriors, even got the street guys involved too. After that is when...’  
he trailed off unable to finish the sentence. 

‘When I went off the rails,’ John finished, steadfastly not looking at Sherlock, his hands shaking slightly. He clenched them at his sides.

‘So all that, what Lestrade told me, you actually...’ Sherlock started before trailing off. John nodded. 

‘After almost poisoning myself on alcohol, I worked hard to clear your name, it helped to keep all the bad thoughts away. Once it was done though, they all came flooding back, ten times worse. I just, I couldn't keep a lid on it anymore, it was too much, so yeah, I tried to take the cowards way out, only I couldn't even manage to do that properly. None of this,’ he indicated towards the hospital laid Sherlock ‘would have happened if I had actually died that day.’ A shocked silence reigned in the hospital room. 

‘You don’t really mean that, right John, you can’t possibly think that?’ Greg asked incrediously. John sighed. This conversation was not going the way he had hoped it would. Fine, if they wanted the truth they could bloody well have the truth.

‘I do,’ he said flatly. ‘I would never have met Mary, never have married her and she would never have tried to kill Sherlock. The whole bloody world would have kept on spinning without me in it just fine.' Silence once again reigned in the room until Sherlock's croaked voice startled him.

‘No. My world would not have kept spinning. It would have stopped completely.’ John quickly turned around to see Sherlock looking resolutely at him, a look of pure anguish on his face. ‘You keep me right John, without you there's no me. If you were gone when I got back, I doubt if I would even be here now. I thought you knew that John. That it’s always been us, us against the world.’   
Tears were streaming down John’s face at the heartbroken look on Sherlock. He'd never seen him so open, never seen so much emotion there before. He didn’t know what to say, he never expected this kind of response.   
‘I didn’t realise what faking my death would do to you, I didn’t know. Forgive me John, please forgive me for the pain I put you through.’ Tears were streaming down both there faces now, neither noticing Greg silently leaving the room. John walked closer to the bed.

‘There's nothing to forgive Sherlock, I already have, months ago. Can you...can you forgive me, for lying to you? For not telling you about Mary. I...I wanted to from the start, but you were still recovering from your ‘hiatus’ and I didn’t want to put any extra stuff on top.  
’   
‘Of course I forgive you John, I always will. Your ...everything to me John,’ Sherlock finished softly, and finally John could see it. He could see it clear as day written on Sherlock's face. He gave him a soft smile, slowly reaching out to gently grasp his hand. He looked directly into Sherlock's eyes and told him what he had always meant to.

‘I love you. I am in love with you Sherlock,’ he whispered. He watched as Sherlock's eyes widened, and then his whole face softened before tears once again fell down his face. John gently ran his thumb across their joined hands. ‘It's always been you Sherlock, for so long. I'm sorry I never told you before, I just, I was afraid. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship if my advances were unwanted.’ Sherlock shook his head.

‘Never unwanted John. I...I didn't realise what it was until it was too late. When I was on top that building, I realised that it was always this. That I was in love with you.’ 

At Sherlock's words John broke into a dazzling smile and then pressed a small kiss to their joint hands. 

‘You have no idea how much I have dreamt about this moment, scarily enough I’ve always imagined it to happen after one of us has been hurt in a case.’ 

Sherlock chuckled, before gasping out in pain. The pain in his chest that he had been ignoring was making itself known. Sherlock watched as John let go of his hand to press the call button. Seconds later a nurse appeared, giving John a gentle smile before starting to question Sherlock. 

‘How are you feeling Mr Holmes? Dr Watson tells me your in pain. Can you tell me between one and ten how much pain your in?’   
Sherlock grimaced.

‘About an eight.’ He managed to get out. The nurse nodded and reached over to change the morphine drip.

‘We lowered it initially to allow yourself to wake up, we are also aware of your past history so we need to keep an eye on how high your levels are. Hopefully that should kick in soon and you won't be in so much pain anymore.’ She gave him a small smile before turning to John. ‘If you need anything else, just press the call button,’ she finished before leaving the two men alone in the room again.

Already starting to feel the morphine work, Sherlock reached out to grab John's hand again, entwining their fingers together. John looked down at their entwined hands and smiled before looking back up at Sherlock fondly. With his other hand he brushed and errant curl from Sherlock's face, and then cupped Sherlock's face with his hand, his thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

‘I never thought we'd get here Sherlock. There was always something stopping us. I...I want this, I want us. I’ve never wanted something so much in all my life.’ Sherlock smiled at him, his mask fully down, showing John everything he had hidden from him. 

‘We were always heading towards this John, we would have got there eventually. I want this too, I want you back at Baker Street, solving crimes with me, making tea. I want us to be who we are together.’ John nodded in agreement. It was all he wanted. He slowly leant his head down to do something he had wanted for what seemed like forever. He closed his eyes and gently pressed their lips together, in a brief soft kiss. He pulled back a bit to see Sherlock with his eyes closed, a look of pure bliss on his face. He felt Sherlock's other hand on the back of his head pull his down for another kiss, this time longer but no less gentle. 

It was everything he had ever hoped, and better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated, let me know what you think!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, please comment, hopefully new chapters will post as they are written .


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